Welcome, loyal fan, to Charlie Sheen Super Keen Dream,
or Casa del Charlie, if you will. Here, you'll get all the
poop on on the actor everyone's talking about, CHARLIE SHEEN! His
dedication to acting! His dedication to paying strange women for
sex! His dedication to injecting rocks of solid smack right into
the tip of his penis! We here at CSSKD consider it our
job to keep you, the total stranger, completely and utterly
up-to-date on the very insignificant minutaie of this actor's life;
and believe you us, it's a job we take very seriously. Sure
there might be other Sheen fanpages out there, who will
maintain that our site is "taking liberties with the facts" and
"outright lying." Well, maybe so. But do those other sites
give you round-the-clock Sheen Updates? Of course not. Do
they take the time to paw through Mr. Sheen's trash like a
rum-soaked hobo, eagerly jotting down notes about his expired
medication and condom preferences? Of course they don't! And can
they do a perfect backwards somersault like this?
Hup hup hup! WHOOOOOOSSHH!
I didn't think so. Why mess with the rest when you've got the best? The Charlie Sheen Super-Keen Dream is ready to redefine the words "intrusive" and "slanderous." So forget about those other pages! CSSKD is the place to go for your vital Sheen injection.
(LEGAL NOTE: An injection of Sheen gossip is not an acceptable substitution for insulin.)
For instance, here at CSSKD you'll get all the juicy gossip behind
Charlie's blockbuster* movies. Quoted on the set
of Beyond The Law: "This is the movie that's gonna put me on the map!" On the
set of Terminal Velocity: "I'm almost sure this one's gonna put me on the map!"
On the set of The Arrival: "THIS one for sure is gonna-- oh God, my life's
a joke."
I think Mr. Sheen said it best in an Esquire interview he conducted early this year: "I'll work for heroin." For Charlie, it's not about the money; it's about the drugs. The drugs and the loose sex. Such commitment has all but disappeared in today's Hollywood.
Get ready for Sheenmania, loyal fans! Both of you! You know who you are! I know who you are! I know where you live! And I'm on my way!
*By "blockbuster", we of course mean that you can rent these movies at Blockbuster Video.
10/20/98: The page is up, you stubborn fool! What more could you want? We have lives, you know. Come back in a bit; the Filmography Section and the Image Gallery should be up and ticking by then.
5/21/99: The Filmography and Image Gallery sections are up. Plus, we've cleverly hidden a link somewhere in this page to a picture of JOHN TESH'S NAKED ASS!
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