I just got an email with the subject header “Micheal Moor asasinated!!!!” When clicked, naturally, it invites one to sample the finest Triple-X college sluts gone wild that the net has to offer.

All spelling concerns aside — (do spammers just mash their keyboards with the bag they keep their shriveled, oddly-shaped souls in, or do internet ad companies recruit exclusively at illiteracy pavilions and gun shows?) — you have to marvel at the bait-and-switch tactics on display here.

I won’t question their tactics; they get paid by how many people open the emails, and I opened it, so it was evidently effective. But you have to wonder— who is this targeting, and how on Earth was it decided I was part of their frightening demographic? How hardcore a Conservative extremist do you have to be to open up an email ostensibly about the assassination of Michael Moore and then feel like masturbating?

“Michael Moore’s assassinated? Well, if rasdj97kla h3an@hotmail.com’s sending me the news, it must be on the up and up. Wait, what’s this? Michael Moore’s assassinated AND horny webcam sorority girls crave my throbbing member? It’s like Christmas in my inbox!”