While using the bathroom at my work today, I noticed a fairly plump, sizable nose-pick that someone had wiped against the wall. Nestled in the middle of this mess was a single pubic hair. The sheer horror of this forced my brain to concoct a series of progressively worse scenarios involving one of my male co-workers. Someone I work with:

a) views the act of picking his nose and wiping it on the wall as performance art, and took the time to jury-rig still more unpleasantness to the original unpleasantness;

b) touched his unpleasantness, then went digging around in his skull with the same unwashed finger;

c) picks his nose with his penis.

Any of these options leaves me with no other option but to never shake hands with anyone in my building ever again. But the last one especially fills me with a sense of both shock and grudging admiration.