A Real Looker

Patricia: "This salmon is delicious. How's your hamburger?"

Jay: [slumped down in chair sulking] "Sucks."

Patricia: "Oh."

Jay: "I asked for raw hamburger and they cooked it anyway. Assholes."

Patricia: "I think the waiter thought you were just kidding." [pause] "I know I did."

Jay: "Well, I wasn't."

Patricia: "Doesn't eating raw meat give you tapeworms or something?"

Jay: [mumbling] "...so gonna put my dick in the mint bowl on the way out."

Patricia: "What?"

Jay: "I didn't say anything."

Patricia: "I thought you did."

Jay: "No. I didn't say anything." [figuring it out] "Maybe you're just stupid. You thought I said something because of that."

Patricia: "So... why did you answer my personal ad again?"

Jay: "I think we both know the answer to that." [pushing forty dollars across table]

Patricia: "What's this for?"

Jay: [waggling eyebrows]

Patricia: "I don't understand."

Jay: [waggling eyebrows, gesturing at crotch]

Patricia: "I don't understand."

Jay: [waggling eyebrows, gesturing at crotch] "I want to pay you for sex."

Patricia: [frozen] "I'm sorry? I think there's been some misunderstanding."

Jay: "What? But your personal ad."

Patricia: "'Single white female, late 20s, seeks caring, sensitive man...'"

Jay: "Which I am..."

Patricia: "'...who likes dinner and dancing and having fun."

Jay: [starts dancing in chair] "Woo! See?"

Patricia: "'...My friends tell me I'm a real looker. I hope you do too!'"

Jay: [pause] "A real what?"

Patricia: "Looker."

Jay: "Not a..."

Patricia: "LOOKER."

Jay: "Oh." [pause] "Ohhhhhhhhhhh."

[pause]

Jay: "I don't suppose you'd want to..."

Patricia: "No."

Jay: "Right. Listen, I think I'm going to leave early. You don't mind if I skip out on the check, do you?"

Patricia: "Help yourself."

Jay: "Thanks. You don't mind if I eat your salmon, do you?" [grabbing salmon off plate, folding it and shoving into pocket] "Bitching. Okay, call out if it looks like the waiter's gonna tackle me." [sprints off like mouse]