We Need This Yesterday

Monday

Executive #1: "Jay, thanks for coming."

Jay: "No problems."

Executive #1: "We called you hear because we've been in negotiations with a client. Now, they're very interested in our services but the big thing with them is testing."

Executive #2: "That's right, testing."

Executive #1: "They've written out five pages of questions they have to do with our hiring practices."

Jay: "You want me to go through this and answer these, then?"

Executive #2: "Exectly."

Jay: "Hey, sure." [flipping pages] "Uh oh. They want actual samples of all our tests."

Executive #1: "So? We give them samples."

Jay: "But they've asked about like thirty tests here. I don't have any samples on hand, so – well, nevermind. I'll get right on it."

Executive #2: "You're a slugger, Jay."

Tuesday

Co-worker: "You want samples of all our tests?"

Jay: "Um. Yeah."

Co-worker: [flipping paper] "We don't have all these. Hey, you know what assessment would really work for this? It's..."

Jay: "It doesn't exist."

Co-worker: "What?"

Jay: "That assessment program doesn't exist. We've just got this one. So you've never actually conducted any of these tests before?"

Co-worker: "No. Sorry."

Jay: [getting idea] "Where do you keep the software?"

Wednesday

Co-worker: "Are you STILL doing tests on yourself, Jay?"

Jay: "Only... sixteen... more to go."

Co-worker: [looking over shoulder] "Advanced math, huh?"

Jay: "Yes."

Co-worker: "I think the answer's sixteen."

Jay: "It's not."

Co-worker: "No, I think it is..."

Jay: "No. It's not."

Co-worker: "Oh. What is it then."

Jay: "I don't know. You made me lose my train of thought when you said sixteen."

Co-worker: "Oh." [looking at screen] "Hey, it's timing you! Cool!"

Today

Executive #1: "Jay, we've reviewed your first draft..."

Executive #2: "...and we like it..."

Executive #1: "...and we like it, but we'll just want you to make these changes."

Jay: "Alright." [flipping through pages] "You took out all the sample tests."

Executive #2: "It's not what they're looking for."

Executive #1: "We met with them. This isn't where their heads are at right now."

Jay: "They said specifically in the questions that they wanted test results. They asked it five times. It was the entire purpose of their asking."

Executive #1: "We've met them, Jay."

Executive #2: "It's not where their..."

Executive #1: "...heads are at."

Jay: "Fine."

Executive #2: "And can you build this section out a bit more?"

Jay: "The section about our tests?"

Executive #1: "It needs beefing up. Talk more to our capabilities. What can we do for them?"

Executive #2: "For them, Jay."

Jay: "We can test for them. Like they asked. With our tests."

Executive #1: "Yes, but capabilities, Jay. What's the capability of this testing software. You don't speak to that."

Jay: "That's because you took out all the sample tests that show them the capabilities of the software."

Executive #2: "Not those capabilities, Jay."

Executive #1: "No. Capabilities, like – like what will we do for THEM?"

Jay: [pause] "Test?"

Executive #1: "We need to speak to that."

Executive #2: "Put in a bit about how dynamic our software is."

Executive #1: "Dynamic. And just-in-time."

Executive #2: "It's a just-in-time solution."

Executive #1: "A dynamic just-in-time solution."

Executive #2: "Perfect. Put that in."

Jay: "You want me to put that it's a `dynamic just-in-time solution' as an answer for the question `Please provide samples of the following tests'?"

Executive #2: "Yes."

Executive #1: "It speaks to them. Capabilities. Just in time. What can we do for THEM?"

Jay: "Not answer their questions?"

Executive #1: "We need this yesterday, Jay."

Jay: "I'll get right on it."