Fun Things to do in New York

My parents are coming down to visit Karla and I in NYC this weekend, all the way from the desolate arctic wastelands of America's Northern Shame, Canada. They're also driving all the way here from Ontario, since my father refuses to get on a plane. I like to think of him as the white Mr. T.*

I spent the better part of January trying to talk him into flying here instead, but no dice. He's a retired high school English teacher, and many years ago suffered an evidently life-scarring incident involving one of his students giving him a ride in a Cessna, then subjecting him to a half-hour of engine-killing dives. He abandoned our modern flight science after that, opting for the relative safety of transport that doesn't involve lift/drag ratios and the omnipresent threat of plummeting.

T'any rate, they'll be here by Friday. I've gotten us tickets to a Rangers-Sens game at Madison Square Garden Tuesday, which all signs point to being awesome. That still leaves a good four days, however, in which to entertain. Karla and I, it should be noted, have seen little of New York City ourselves since moving here in December or, for that matter, done little of leaving our apartment. It's the Yellow-Face, you see. It burns us.

In fact, you could say "Jay and Karla have pretty much exclusively sat in their apartment watching DVDs and getting shitfaced for three months" and not be too far off the mark. While this lifestyle choice comes highly recommended from us both, it does present problems on the entertaining front: namely, that we have no idea how to show out-of-towners a good time. I've heard good things about New York's famous Libertarian statue, for instance, but can't imagine there's much to it besides "Arriving at statue" and "Looking at it." That's 30 seconds chalked up nicely, but still leaves me with a rather large chunk of time to fill.

Museums? Parks? Cock fights? Leg shows? What's worth seeing in New York City (keeping in mind I'm not taking my parents clubbing)? Write me at the email below this post if you've got any suggestions.

_{* A co-worker informs me that John Madden has a similar no-fly policy to B.A. Barracus. So if it helps, you could picture my father as the white John Madden.}