Pinkerton's Weblog

The History of the Blog

It’s easy to forget how quickly things change. Many of us forget that, as recently as 1996, there weren’t a lot of outlets for average, everyday folks under the mistaken impression that others would be interested in their lives. There was self-publishing, of course, but that involved a lot of work and tended to involve ink stains. There was also, by then, the personal webpage. For a time, this managed to fill society’s pressing need to show complete strangers pictures of their cats, dancing baby animations and badly-spelled, vague manifestos of their bong-hitted philosophy.

And yet it somehow just wasn’t enough. The “webpage” simply didn’t allow for the sheer levels of vanity and self-obsession the populace had to offer. “Yes, I’m free to post pictures of my Christmas party and list my favourite Babylon 5 links,” all admitted, “But in terms of sheer quantity, it’s insufficient. If only there were some way to keep everyone else up-to-date on the minutiae of my life all the time, without having to learn things, like HTML or proper grammar.”

Enter the weblog – or “blog”, as it’s come to be slurred – the next step in online evolution. As a technology, the blog was unsurpassed in its ability to let us delude ourselves into thinking our lives are as interesting and noteworthy as Bruce Willis’s. One of the pioneers of blogging, editor of Infosift Jesse James Garrett, first began chatting about his moods and linking to stuff he liked in 1997. Profiled for a magazine on his strange behaviour, he soon received emails from 22 others who also “logged” their thoughts online. One brief decision to link each other later, the firs “blog” community was born. Though the 23 founders would run out of interesting things to say about their lives within hours, this didn’t stop the phenomenon from growing to the proportions it holds today: every single person with a modem connection talking about themselves and their frustrating days spent being secretaries and administrative assistants at large medical firms.

What is it about the human animal that compels us to share? Are we all just egomaniacs? Are we looking to prove somehow that we’re more than just cogs in the giant machine? Are we simply venting about stupid trivial things under the mistaken impression that anybody cares?

Yes, yes, and yes, of course. Long live the blog. At least until science figures out a way to graft megaphones onto our mouths, thus allowing us to take our obsessive need to make people interested in our lives to the next logical step.

A Strict Regimen of Self-Improvement

Hey hey HEY! Eat it with walnuts, suckas! Looks like Mr. Pinkerton figured out how to stop his blog from causing strokes in small Japanese children! * [My original blogspot blog was, to put it mildly, like God farting a space rainbow onto a monitor. -Jay 2004]

That's right, folks. The stage run of "Jay And His Technicolour Dream-Blog" has come to an end. In its place...

Well, this. I think this is pretty respectable, eh? Look at those soft tones. Man. I'D read me now, and I already know what I'm gonna say.

In light of this metamorphosis, I now segue ham-handedly into my new goal for self-improvement. Now, those who know me might say "Again?" And yes, admittedly I have started down this road many times before. Specifically, about 15,662 times. And every time I last about three weeks. Yes, I give you these points. (Although, I might add you said "Again?" in an excessively sarcastic tone. You'll get more bees with honey than vinegar, you know. I think that's how it goes. Something to do with bees and vinegar, anyway. Maybe 'You'll get more vinegar with bees." But that doesn't make much sense. Whose vinegar supplies are that low that they'd need to recruit bees? I keep my pantry stocked with litres of vinegar at all times, and I can only assume others follow my lead.)

Where was I?

Oh yes. THIS time, my self-improvement scheme will succeed. Why? I'll tell you. In a word: stress. Every so often I decide I want a new, healthier direction in life. That my bad habits are many and varied (to date, drinking, smoking, eating fatty foods, biting my nails, lethargy, a poor work ethic and, I've been told, questionable hygeine). And so I set off on a new path -- a path with small, healthy meals involving chicken breast and brown rice; regular cardio at the gym; the lifting of weights at same; good bedtimes; no more smokes; no more beer; and so on. And I do well for a little bit. Then:

BAM! Stress. Long nights at work. Sudden obligations to write funny things for possible publishing. Or, my personal favourite, girls, or more specifically A girl, and whether she likes me, and going out on a first date, and do I like her, and all that business. Stress. And within a day I've reverted back to all my comfort vices to make things easier.

But this time -- ah, this time I'm prepared. I've LEARNED from my mistakes, and it has made me that much wilier. My plan is this: from now on, I will not have any stress. I will make a conscious pact that from now on, there will be no more surprises in my life. I will bar myself up in my apartment with a selection of soups and other non-perishable food items, and I will bunker down until my life is fantastic.

It's almost TOO easy.

* Actually, Mike sent me an email with explicit numbered instructions. Even then it took me an hour.