Pinkerton's Weblog

Battle of the Brains

My Right Brain: “Aww. Hey, Left. Check it out. A homeless guy. Here, let’s give him some change.”

My Left Brain: “Oh, not this again. We’re not giving him our change, Right. We’re on a tight enough budget as it is. Besides, it was you who managed to convince the Lowmeat he should buy all that beer last night.”

My Right Brain: “How was I supposed to know it’d make him hungover?”

My Left Brain: “Because it ALWAYS makes him hungover.”

My Right Brain: “Get out of town.”

My Left Brain: “Do you take everything at face value?”

My Right Brain: “All I know is, that Jamaican guy looks pretty hungry. Come on, it’s Friday. Let’s give him a dollar.”

My Left Brain: “No. No! Don’t you dare send a signal to Lowmeat! We’re NOT giving that man change! Our taxes pay for adequate social programs to feed and clothe these people, and to rehabilitate them if they so choose. If they choose to remain on the street in light of those opportunities, they’re either mentally imbalanced or drug addicts.”

My Right Brain: “You need to get laid so badly, you know that? You should hear yourself.”

My Left Brain: “Oh, go paint a mural.”

My Right Brain: “Come on, look at him. He looks starving.”

My Left Brain: “Yes, well, we’re hungry too. And at least he doesn’t have to work all day. Where do you think HE’LL be, while we’re out working all day, Right?”

My Right Brain: “Playing bass for Big Sugar?”

My Left Brain: “I don’t know what that is.”

My Right Brain: “It was a joke. It was just… nevermind.”

My Left Brain: “This is that abstract thinking again, isn’t it? Like when you kept asking me ‘acocksayswhat’, and I tried to explain that you should ask Cock what it is he says, not me. He's only a few feet away, you know.”

My Right Brain: “Fucking christ, man. I wish--”

Lowmeat: “Hey! Pipe down up there!”

My Left Brain: “Sorry, boss.”

My Right Brain: “It was Left’s fault.”

Lowmeat: “I don’t care whose fault it was. Pipe down or I drink gin!”

My Left Brain: “Sorry.”

My Right Brain: “Sorry.”

My Left Brain: [to Right] “Arty priss.”

My Right Brain: [to Left] “Vulcan robot.”