Pinkerton's Weblog

My Deductive Genius Put to Work

I had crippling indigestion all day today and couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until just now, when I went to cook something in the oven, that I noticed the spray can nestled on top of it. Apparently while cooking wings last night in dim lighting, I somehow mistook air freshener for PAM cooking spray and coated my food in it.

Another mystery solved, thanks to Jay Pinkerton: Bowel-Cramped Ace Detective!

I just thank God I didn't die from it. Assuming there was any kind of investigation into the cause, I can't imagine a more retardedly embarrassing way to go.

"Mrs. Pinkerton? This is the Toronto Police. Please. Sit down."

"Is this about Jay? Is he alright?"

"Well, in a spiritual sense, hopefully."

"Oh god. Did... did he put shoe polish on his food again?"

"Half a can of Glade Essence of Nature, ma'am."

"Well... at least he went as he would have wanted."

"With his pants off and a mouth full of half-eated wings?"

"Yes. He talked about it often."