Pinkerton's Weblog

I Built This City

I was drinking beer in a pub with a friend last night when 'We Built This City on Rock and Roll' came on. He winced and said how much he hated 80's music.

I feigned shock and then asked for clarification. "You meant to say you hate 80's music except for Chris de Burgh and Warrant, right?"

He explained that he had fully meant to include both in his condemnation.

So with several beer already in me and eager to annoy him, I started improvv'ing a fantastic 80's metal song right there on the spot. My first verse started out on the premise that the time was right to start up a fight, and that I'd put out his lights. Seguing into a guitar break -- "eedily-deedily-dweeeOWWWW!" -- I interpreted his horrified silence to mean my song was kicking a lot of ass, and I elaborated on my earlier "time being right to start fight" premise by explaining that I had the heart of a wolf in the city tonight, come on!

By the time I got to the explosive chorus -- "The heat of the heart is an animal, you gotta believe, you gotta receive, cuz I'm on the prowwwwwwl for looooooove!" -- I was adding in detailed descriptions of the music video to accompany the song, in which our band ("Draggyynn") would play the song on top of a building at night, surrounded by helicopters driven by beautiful women who, at the chorus, turned into wolves and looked at me knowingly, since I had the heart of a wolf.

"And then the camera zooms in, and you can see I've got wolf eyes," I say.

"Please stop."

"You can be the drummer. Stixxx Scorpio. Nice." As I explained the necessity of putting three x's in "sticks", two things occured to me: one, that after five minutes of this I'd succeeded in annoying my friend, and he was about to hit me in the face. And two, that I was clearly born in the wrong decade, where conceptual talents like mine would have made me a millionaire.

Murder!

Some not safe for work, most likely...

Indiana – Where FUN Goes To Die!

When most people think of Indiana, they think of roads: peaceful two-lane routes lined by cornfields, southern byways unraveling over roller-coaster hills, the asphalt turns of the Indianapolis Speedway. Moments later, they will usually think of using one of Indiana’s world-famous roads to leave Indiana.

But there’s much more to this Land of Adventure than just roads: we also have corn, and farmers. With all this variety to choose from, it's unfortunate that many vacationers rush through on the interstate, headed for other, infinitely superior states. We insist that Indiana has much to offer, whatever you might have heard. Our many interesting roads do more than take you away from Indiana at top speeds – they can also take you to many interesting places in the Road State.

Indiana Fact Sheet
Capital City: Indianapolis
Economy: Agriculture, Despair
Most Popular Diseases: Rabies, Lyme Disease, Encephalitis
Wildlife: Venomous Snakes, Roads
State Song: "We Built This City (On Rock and Roll)"

Dining
If you're a fan of old-fashioned American food, you'll disagree with people who hate Indiana -- and then some! Our relatively low numbers of food-borne illness-related deaths can attest to the quality of our cuisine. In fact, you’re more likely to get hit by lightning than die from our food – people living in Indiana are struck by lightning more times a year than anyone else in the world!

And what cuisine it is! Try our oven-fresh butter logs, homemade ice, home-cooked barbecued corn patties and tomato cider! And don't assume you'll be limited to state fair food when you visit: Indiana also boasts several popular chain restaurants, like Burger King and Arby’s!

Fresh fish are pulled daily from the Great Lakes area – watch from a car port as it is shipped off elsewhere! Indiana is also no stranger to corn-fed beef; tourists flock from miles around to feed our cows corn. And did you say ethnic dishes? I hope not! They’ve been illegal in Indiana since 1947!

Sight-seeing
People who say there's nothing to do in Indiana have put their foot in their mouth -- and nowhere is this more evident than at our National Foot Museum! Watch interactive exhibits on the history of the foot, or take part in our virtual reality exhibits! And for the kids, swing by the Rabid Animal Disease Control Centre in Indianapolis, where you can pet animals before they are put down.

Parking
Parking enthusiasts have made Indiana world-famous! Come to our state and find out why.