Here's where you'll find everything I couldn't fit anywhere else. Mostly this is a collection of non-fiction essays — embarrassing incidents, brushes with bureaucratic imcompetence, failed attempts at touching memoir. If you couldn't find what you were looking for in any of the other sections, chances are it's somewhere below.
For three years I worked for a large staffing firm as a proposal writer. And for three years I wrote about it on a yahoo group my college friends and I kept in touch through.
Over the years, the yahoo group grew and grew — it's currently at something like 12,750 posts and growing.
So this is by no means comprehensive. But here's a small selection of the many anecdotes I told while working for my ridiculously incompetent company, from around September 2000 till September 2002.
- Dumbware®
- Hanging by a Thread
- Helpful Edits
- It's Not a Booger!
- Killing Time
- Multi-Platform Just-in-Time Point-and-Click e-Commerce Productivity Solution
- Not That Kind of Superman
- One of Us
- Pills to the Gills
- Sigh
- Snake-Eyes
- Stay in School Forever
- Survival of the Skittish
- The Phantom Menace
- Todd
- We Need This Yesterday
- We're a "Good" Company
- Bloody Good Film (April 8, 2005)
- Oh, It'll Fester (June 10, 2005)
- An Intriguing Discovery (September 21, 2002)
- A Strict Regimen of Self-Improvement (September 25, 2002)
- The History of the Blog (September 28, 2002)
- I Will Master The Sousaphone With My 'Just Watch Me' Attitude (October 1, 2002)
- Please Give Generously, So That I Can Kill Karyn (October 1, 2002)
- Top Five Female Celebrity Fantasy Make-outs (October 2, 2002)
- Goddamnit! Who Put Luncheon Meat In My Inbox? (October 3, 2002)
- A Tale of Two Biceps (October 5, 2002)
- Stuck In The Middle With (All 5,000 Of) You (October 5, 2002)
- Something We can All Agree On... (October 10, 2002)
- Sympathy For The Devil (October 16, 2002)
- Your Government Dollars At Work (October 19, 2002)
- I Crack Jokes And Turn Others To Sluts (October 20, 2002)
- $14.99 Shirt-and-Tie Combo (October 31, 2002)
- Personal Visions of Hell (And Other Fun-Filled Conversation Starters...) (November 1, 2002)
- Human Cartoons On The Fourteenth Floor (November 3, 2002)
- The Applaudable Aim of Hard Rocking (November 8, 2002)
- Something Fun To Do On The Weekend (November 13, 2002)
- Disgusting Thoughts To Haunt Your Dreams (November 26, 2002)
- Mission Statement (December 6, 2002)
- Battle of the Brains (December 10, 2002)
- Altercation on the TTC (December 20, 2002)
- OmniMegaDynaCorp Inc. (January 30, 2003)
- Est unusquisque faber ipsae suae fortunae (February 5, 2003)
- In Support of Slave Labour (February 22, 2003)
- Knowing When To Hold 'Em, Fold 'Em & Walk Away From 'Em: Kenny Rogers' "The Gambler" & Its Effect on Post-Modern Interpretations of Karaoke (June 22, 2003)
- Meet The New DOS; Same As The Old DOS (July 3, 2003)
- IT Rockstar! (August 21, 2003)
- Invasion of the Computer Snatchers (August 28, 2003)
- Acceptable Losses (August 28, 2003)
- How To Be Drunk And Stupid (September 6, 2003)
- After the Blackout (September 18, 2003)
- Fan mail for The Trailer Trash (September 18, 2003)
- A Tingling, Burning, Skin-Eating Sensation (September 18, 2003)
- We Are All Made of Stars (September 20, 2003)
- The Matrix Revolutions Post That Doesn't Actually Talk About Matrix Revolutions (September 26, 2003)
- A Shameful Confession (September 29, 2003)
- A Touch of the Coulier (October 2, 2003)
- It's Like Stealing, But With Stamps! (October 6, 2003)
- Yes, Virginia, Your Parents Despise You (October 8, 2003)
- My Brain Don't Work Right (October 17, 2003)
- Gasping Morons & Ratfuck Bastards (October 20, 2003)
- What the fuck is PC Load Letter? (October 24, 2003)
- Inane in the Membrane (October 26, 2003)
- This Irritating, Useless Voice Message Is For Your Convenience (November 3, 2003)
- How To Throw a Baby (November 20, 2003)
- Not Too Much Off The Sides (November 26, 2003)
- The Worst Part (November 30, 2003)
- Fret (noun) (December 17, 2003)
- My Bob Dole Period (Part I) (December 29, 2003)
- My Bob Dole Period (Part II) (December 31, 2003)
- Buffet of the Damned (January 12, 2004)
- My Ass Needs Kicking (From Me) (January 23, 2004)
- Reading is Dead (Long Live the King) (January 25, 2004)
- A Real Looker (February 18, 2004)
- How The Test Was Won And Where It Got Us (March 18, 2004)
- My Deductive Genius Put to Work (April 4, 2004)
- Here Comes the Sun (April 11, 2004)
- You DON'T Think (April 18, 2004)
- Free Crap (With Every Order of Crap) (April 22, 2004)
- Deathmatchin'! (Pt.1) (April 23, 2004)
- Deathmatchin'! (Pt. 2) (April 24, 2004)
- Killing Me Slowly With Their Songs (June 10, 2004)
- Spam: The Other Pink Meat (June 29, 2004)
- Office of the Damned (July 26, 2004)
- This Title Brought To You By Starsky & Hutch (Buy on DVD TODAY!) (July 31, 2004)
- Need a Light? Urine Luck! (August 11, 2004)
- "Berry" Good News (August 26, 2004)
- You Don't Buy a Cure For Cancer, You Just Rent It (September 3, 2004)
- Hackley-Smoot Act: The Bestselling Suspense Thriller (September 7, 2004)
- The Problem (September 8, 2004)
- A Brief Update From Heathen Lands (October 8, 2004)
- Misc. (November 16, 2004)
- 82 Reasons to Empathize With Your Government (November 29, 2004)
- Afternoon Delight (December 14, 2004)
- Listening To Your Life Get Shorter To The Sounds of Lionel Richie (March 1, 2005)
- Getting Out Of Bed (Just Like Brian Wilson Didn't) (March 7, 2005)
- Soop-Yok (July 27, 2005)
- Jiminy Goes For a Swim (August 1, 2005)
- Notes on Commuting by Bus in LA (October 3, 2005)
- How My Brain Works (October 29, 2004)
- Things That Need to Go Away in 2006 (January 1, 2006)
- Ask Your Doctor if Financially Motivated, Overpriced Healthcare is For You! (December 29, 2005)
- Pink Candy For Your Tum-Tum (December 22, 2005)
- Commercials That Try Too Hard (January 1, 2006)
- Two Out of Six Ain't Bad (February 16, 2006)
- Direct to DVD (February 18, 2006)
- Canadian Tire Guy (1998-2006) (March 11, 2006)
- I Have Had it With All the Snakes on This Plane (March 23, 2006)
- Brain-Death in Venice (April 12, 2006)
- Fun Things to do in New York (April 14, 2006)
- Site Maintenance... (May 18, 2006)
- What's in Men's Health (May 11, 2006)
- Graduate with Honors, Ninja Genius Sex Machine School (February 22, 2006)
- Chronicles of Narnia: Huge Pile of Shit (April 20, 2006)
- People I Have Decided To Kill If I See Them Again: #46 (May 15, 2006)
- The Gospel of Judas (April 6, 2006)
- Etiquette: Advanced Edition (January 18, 2005)
- Crises! (April 21, 2005)
- Fighting Insomnia (September 30, 2002)
