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How To Eat Rancid Chicken



Last night at 8:00. I'm hungry. I go to the fridge and remember I'd left out some chicken the day before for Sunday dinner. As it turned out I ate out that night, and didn't use the chicken. Now I'm faced with a problem: do I eat the chicken? I'd forgotten to take anything else out of the freezer, so if I don't eat the chicken, I won't be able to eat.

On the other hand, the chicken has now been out, unthawed in my fridge, for something like two days. Do I eat the chicken?

Stomach: "I think you should eat the chicken."

Brain: "I'm not so sure about this. I thought it was really bad to eat chicken after it's been out for a day."

Stomach: "No, you're thinking of eating raw chicken. That's salmonella poisoning. Don't do that. But just cook the chicken. We'll be fine."

Brain: "Thanks, I was planning on eating raw."

Stomach: "Look, just cook the chicken really well. That should make it safe."

Brain: "Is that how that works?"

Stomach: "Oh sure. Burn out the germs and such."

Eyes: "It looks alright."

Stomach: "See? Eat the chicken."

Brain: "I don't think you can actually see germs. It might be rancid. I don't know."

Nose: "Smells fine."

Brain: "Really?"

Nose: "Well, what's raw chicken supposed to smell like? I guess it smells okay. Sure."

Stomach: "You see? The chicken's fine. Come on, eat it already. You haven't fed me since this morning, I'm starving."

Brain: "This just doesn't sound right. Wish I could think better. So hungover."

Stomach: "Trust me. I accept full responsibility."

Brain: "Well... alright."

Stomach: "BOOYA!"

[LATER]

Brain: [reading]

Stomach: "Um, hey. Knock knock."

Brain: "Oh, hi. What's up?"

Stomach: "Uh... well... remember that chicken?"

Brain: "Oh. Yeah. How was it?"

Stomach: "It tasted great. Listen, I think we might have a little problem."

Brain: "Really? What's wrong?" [pause] "Stomach?"

Rancid Chicken: "The stomach is ours! Viva la revolution! Organic pigdog, you will pay for your crimes against chicken! We claim the stomach for the National Vomit Armada!"

Brain: "What? Who is this? Put Stomach back on!"

Stomach: "I think we'd better do what they say, Brain. They look serious."

Brain: "What are their demands?"

Rancid Chicken: "We want you to vomit!"

Brain: "Okay."

Rancid Chicken: "Constantly for the next eight hours!"

Stomach: "Do it, Brain! Oh, lord, you should see what they're DOING down here!"

 

 
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