This Idea I Had For a Commercial...

A family — dad, mom, older brother, younger sister, adorable boy — are hanging around the kitchen when the doorbell rings. It's their new Maytag Juicer!

"It's the new Maytag Juicer!" says Mom, supporting this theory. "Yay!" yells Billy, hopping off the counter with far more enthusiasm than the arrival of a juicer would seemingly call for. The family's faces all light up as they race for the door. As they do so, older brother runs headlong into a support beam, and crumples to the floor motionless.

Mom signs for the Juicer and the family marvels at its space age packaging. They quickly return to the kitchen, lay the box on the table, and check out the product, paying it compliments. In the background, the crumpled body of the older brother collects a growing red circle on the kitchen tile. Mom plugs in the juicer and throws in a handful of pears.

"You can hardly tell it's on!" says mom, and sure enough, you can't.The family dog starts to chew on the older brother's leg, tugging at it for meat.

"Wow! It's the new space-age design, I'll bet!" says sis.

"Space-a mage what?" asks adorable clueless Billy.

In the background, the family dog trots by with the severed leg in its mouth, out the patio door to the backyard.

"Ha ha ha! Billy!" says dad, scuffing up Billy's hair.

In the next scene, time has passed. Dad enters wearing a suit and tie. On the floor are the skeletonized remains of their son.

"Well — off to work!" says Dad, all smiles.

"Don't forget your juice!" says mom, handing dad a big tall glass of murky fluid, with stems poking out of it.

"Ha ha ha!" says Dad, enjoying the situation. "As if I'd forget THAT!" and we cut to Dad walking out the front door with his big glass of juice and, inexplicably, the Juicer under one arm. Mom waves goodbye from the porch, proud of them both.

Close up on Juicer: "Maytag Juicemaster 6000! A whole lotta JUICIN' goin' on!" Outro music plays, reinforcing the theme that there is, in fact, a whole lotta juicin' goin' on.