Day One

The dawn of man. The sun rises on a squat cave near the Euphrates river. Outside the cave, Neanderthal men and women huddle near each other for warmth, asleep. As the sun's rays reach them, they slowly stir, looking around.

Neanderthal Man: "Umph. Mungt. Moont."

Other Neanderthal Man: "Moonst?"

Neanderthal Man: "Umph. Moont. Moont."

Every morning is the same: the Neanderthals awake. Then they starve all day. Then they go back to bed. But today is different. There, in the clearing outside their cave, is a ten foot high monolith, grabbing light from the morning sun, sleek, black and perfect.

Neanderthal Man: "Fimt?"

The Neanderthals awake, and all become aware of the monolith. One of the Neanderthal women pokes it. At the poking , a long baseball bat-sized bone falls from the top of the monolith and drops at the feet of the Neanderthals.

Neanderthal Man: "Hoopa!"

Other Neanderthal Man: "Meff."

Neanderthal Woman: "Meff, hoopa fimt."

One of the Neanderthal men grabs the bone experimentally. It has been taped at one end to allow for a better swing. He swings it around a little. The monolith inches forward slightly, as if eager to watch what happens next.

The Neanderthal man brings the bat up high above his head. Then he brings it down again, and sticks it playfully in the anus of the Neanderthal man next to him, who leaps up in the air in surprise. Much hooting and chasing ensues. The Neanderthals run around all day trying to poke each other in the anus, hiding behind the monolith, giggling and stumbling around. The sun's dying rays settle on the Neanderthals huddled sleeping around each other, as before, with looks of deep contentment on their faces.

In the stillness of night, the monolith sighs softly to itself.

Day Two

The Neanderthals slowly awake as before. Once again, something is different. The monolith has moved twenty feet in the night, into the recesses of the nearby cave.

Neanderthal Man: "Taboomp?"

Neanderthal Woman: "Hoopa."

Curious, they walk, huddled as one, into the cave. Just inside stands the monolith, in front of a large flat cave wall.

On the wall are simple drawings depicting the Neanderthals hitting animals with bones, throwing sharpened sticks at animals, cooking animals on other sharpened sticks over large bonfires. Next to every drawing are a series of smaller drawings showing how one might accomplish what's shown in the first drawing. All over the floor of the save are sharpened sticks and taped baseball bat-shaped bones. The monolith leans forward expectantly.

Neanderthal Man: "Badumt!"

The Neanderthals race forward excitedly to examine the drawings in closer detail. The monolith radiates what could only be an aura of satisfaction.

That night, once again, the Neanderthals huddle around each other sleeping as the sun sets. Inside the cave, the monolith stands, unmoved from the morning, next to the cave drawings. On each of the drawings, other cruder drawings have been smeared on top. The Neanderthals in the drawings now sport long handlebar moustaches and long bowel movements hanging out of their bottoms. The sharpened sticks in the Neanderthal's hands have been replaced with large, cartoonish phalluses.

In the night, the monolith sags a little, and once again, a slight sigh is heard.

Day Twenty-Seven

Morning finds the Neanderthals already up, playing a spirited game where they run around chasing each other, whacking one another in the shins with the sharpened spears. Baseball-shaped bones and spears decorate the landscape, covered in dust, untouched. Nearby, several of the spears have been rooted into the ground and tied to a giant leaf frond, fashioning a makeshift hammock, which a Neanderthal woman enjoys, snoozing in the sun.

Nearby stands the monolith, covered in thrown fecal waste and dirt. It slumps against a rockface.

Day Twenty-Eight

Dawn approaches on a different landscape on the other side of the Euphrates river. A group of lowland apes sleeps huddled next to each other outside another cave as the sun rises. As at the beginning of every day, the apes awake quickly, alert and poised. In front of them is the monolith, still covered in dirt. At the base of the monolith is a baseball bat-shaped bone. One of the apes picks the weapon up quickly. Within seconds, it is swinging it around menacingly.

That night, the lowland apes feast on a wooly mammoth, large chunks of meat skewered on long spears and cooked over a newly-discovered fire. The apes mumble to each other softly in ape-speak, discussing the future and the possibilities of their newfound technology.

Nearby, away from the soft glow of the fire, stands the monolith, watching the apes silently, a parent proud of its children.

Day Twenty-Nine

The Neanderthal awaken from their sleep to discover their friend the monolith returned. This pleases them, since it had gone missing the previous day, and deprived them of anything to throw their dumps at. The Neanderthals walk forward to pet the monolith, and nearly trip over a new object placed at the base of the monolith: three smooth, oblong ivory objects, long and thin, rounded at the top, around eight inches long.

One of the Neanderthal women picks up the object experimentally, and lifts it above her head. Then she lowers it, and rubs it around the crotch of another Neanderthal woman, whose eyes immediately perk up.

The monolith leans forward expectantly.

The sun sets on several Neanderthal women pleasuring each other for the first of what will be many times. They are happy. The Neanderthal men, who sit in a circle watching, are also happy, in a confused, highly agitated way.

On the outskirts of the circle, the monolith watches and is also happy. This hadn't technically been his mission. But things change. And this will do.

Night sets on the Euphrates.