WELCOME TO MY WEBPAGE, YOU FUCKING HIPPIES

 

Hello, and welcome to my god-damned webpage. I hope you all enjoy this site. Please enjoy perusing my many past accomplishments at your leisure. Please also die and rot where you fall, as I hate all of you.

Sincerely, from the bottom of my damned soul, I detest you and wish every last one of you mouse-clacking, down-loading, file-snaring faggot hippies dead. Yes, you, with your long hair and sexual decadence and Internet devices—to Hades with the lot of you. It is my sincerest hope that you all die pleasuring yourselves to whatever pornographic material I'm told can be found on your computation machines.

Also, please write me if you have enjoyed my Internet site. Apparently I am supposed to say this— though to be honest, I couldn't imagine a more nightmareish fate than to have to read, much less respond, to the sorts of gun-picketing, long-haired sodomites who spend their days "driving the Information Road," as the term is called.

My agent has advised me to write this introduction for my Internet site, so that my next generation of pot-smoking teenage fans can discover my "past ouvre" and "existence." Personally, I think this is a waste of my time. I was in The Ten fucking Commandments. I need to sit and "email" about my amazing career like I need another bullet hole in my skull.

Nonetheless, here I am—soak it up, you parasites. At my agent's request, I've begun posting my diary online, so that all you small sad people can live through me and my accomplishments. My God, but you people sicken me. I'll bet you're kicking a damned hacky-sack around even as I write this. Deny that you aren't.

Anyway, enjoy. And be sure to rent The Ten Commandments at your local hippy bijou video rental store.

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"The Internet is for lonely people." -- Charlton Heston (actual quote)