Commander Masterson:

The Other Sides of the Waves

Trailer Exclusive!

What's Commander Masterson about?

From the Offiical 20th Century Fox website:

Lucky Jack Masterson, Commander of the sailing vessal The Surrender, answers a semaphore distress call on the open seas. Gathering a plucky crew of misfits and rapists, Lucky Jack pursues the call — only to find himself locked in a deadly game of cat and mouse with old high school nemesis, Janus LaTroix. LaTroix's ship, The Superior In Every Way, is superior to The Surrender in every way... but one. Beneath the solid gold masts and ivory sails of the Superior lurks a single design flaw that could capsize the entire ship. The only way it can be triggered is through a single stream of vomit, aimed with luck. Will Lucky Jack's humiliating sea sickness come in handy after all? What about First Mate Boyd's crippling incontinence? And what of Gaspode, the friendly ghost in the ship's hull? Will he end up having some kind of relation to Lucky Jack?

Yes! He will! In theaters November 14th!

I remember reading this months ago when it first appeared at www.commander-masterson-the-other-sides-of-the-waves-in-theaters-november14th.com — didn't we all? And I'm sure we were a little dubious that the film would ever live up to the hype. Well, if the trailer is any judge, it's all up there on the screen, folks. Everything from the vomit to the ghosts. Up. On. The screen.

Except for villain Janus LaTroix, whose role has apparently been cut out of the finished cut of the film.

But will it have boats in it? I heard it would.

The entirety of the film Commander Masterson will take place in a boat, and the entire plot will involve fighting another boat. (The climax, in fact, is said to contain some of the best boat-fighting scenes since Rocky IV, where Sylvester Stallone barely escapes with his life in a brutal fistfight with German oil tanker Das Eisbein.) However, it is not known whether either of these boats will be shown in the actual film, or if they will be saved for a big surprise "They were on a boat the whole time" ending, like in The Sixth Sense.

Which of his two facial expressions will Russell Crowe use?

Ever since news of Commander Masterson hit the internet, fans have been speculating which of his two Oscar®-winning faces Russell Crowe would be bringing to this role.

Will it be the "thinky" Oscar® face that wowed Academy voters in that Ron Howard film I didn't see? Or the angry, "I smell beef" face that won over the crowds in Fist Maximus: Gladiator For Hire? (Better known outside Rome as "Maximum Fist", and as "Mega-Honor Pectoral Nice-Monster" in Japan.)

The new trailer conclusively proves: it's both! And while the news should put this debate to rest, it will most likely spark another: namely, the controversial rumor of a third facial expression in Masterson.

Will it be a happy face? Angsty? Gassy? Wincing? The trailer doesn't give it away. One thing's for sure, however. If Crowe does indeed unveil a third face in Masterson, he'd better make some room in his glove compartment... for his new Oscar!

Isn't Commander Masterson based on a book of some kind?

They said the same thing about The Lord of the Rings— and it ended up getting over TEN Oscar nominations. But then, that never seems to stop a few bad apples from spreading horrible rumors about a film before anyone's even had a chance to see it. My advice would be to put these rumors in the trash, with books, where they belong.

Will Commander Masterson have Merry and Pippen in it?

When Dominic "Merry" Monaghan and Billy "Pippen" Boyd first won over movie-goers with their tender, loving friendship in The Lord of the Rings, we all knew it would only be a matter of time before these two characters were given their own film franchise.

News leaked recently that Boyd had indeed signed on for Commander Masterson—and while there has been no official word from 20th Century Fox as to Monaghan's involvement, it doesn't take someone who does math for a living to put "money" and "popular" together and come up with "yes." Unconvinced? Take a look at this freeze-frame from the trailer. (We've blown up a section of the frame to clear up the debate. Don't these two look just a little familiar?)

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Why does Russell Crowe have that ridiculous English accent? Why does his coat have like a hundred buttons?

Russell Crowe's character has a coat with a hundred buttons on it because it's very windy at sea; if not properly moored down, his coat could fly open at any time, exposing his breasts and demoralizing the crew.

The "coat o' many buttons" was devised to protect against this, and was used in the film from actual historical records of 17th century sea-faring England.

Crowe's "silly British accent" is no accident. It's actually essential to the plot, but we're not allowed to divulge more. Let's just say that "silly British accent" and his "fat breasts" manage to come in handy by the end of the film!

I heard there was a secret ending. Is that true?

You heard right! Holy shit, it's awesome!